Monday, December 18, 2017
9 Self Improvement Steps Before Midlife
Excerpted from Thrive Global, Kathy Caprino, M.A. is an international career and personal success coach, writer, speaker and leadership developer dedicated to helping women and men “find brave” to create more success, fulfillment and joy in their lives and work. She offers these top 9 lessons we need to learn before midlife are:
#1: Make a brave decision on what you want to stand for
Before it’s too late, you need to “find your brave” and make a powerful stand about who you want to be in the world, and what you stand for. It’s also time to STOP tolerating and allowing what you can no longer accept, in your life and in the world.
Make the decision today to become the person you will be proud and honored to be, so you have no regrets when the time comes for you to leave this life.
#2: Never compromise your soul
There are things that it’s ok to compromise on – But it’s NOT ok to compromise your soul. If you do, disastrous outcomes will occur.
Know what keeps your spirit alive, and honor that with all you’ve got.
For me, that’s truth, transparency, compassion, strength and integrity.
#3: Engage your wisdom and discernment when you choose whom to love and trust
The people you choose to enter into relationships with – be it through marriage, friendship, business partnerships, work colleagues and those you hire to work with and for you – will dramatically impact the quality and condition of your life. Don’t let people into your life who will hurt or demean, diminish and mistreat you. Simply don’t allow it. If you continually attract people who hurt or abuse you, you have to look at what is inside of you that needs healing so you won’t repeat or continue to hook into abusive patterns over and over.
Be incredibly discerning about who you will give your heart and trust to.
And if and when they violate your trust, care and respect, don’t wait to do something self-affirming and powerful about it.
#4: Don’t wait one single minute more to express and honor your creativity
I’d be millionaire if I had a dollar for every professional woman who has told me that she’s dying of boredom and meaninglessness in her work, and that there’s a creative side of her that’s bursting to come forward.
The truth is this: Writers write, painters paint, dancers dance. Just DO the thing you’re desperate to do. You don’t have to throw your whole career out the window to honor your creativity. Just pick up that paint brush and start committing to painting, today. Just that step will improve your life.
#5: Get help when don’t have the strength or power to change what’s necessary
This one is really simple. When you feel that you can’t do what you want to alone, then go get some help. Don’t wait. Reach out to a mentor, a friend, an ally, someone who loves and respects you, and sees the future vision of you before it’s hatched.
Don’t wait on the sidelines for years and years thinking “I don’t have what it takes to do this.”
The truth is, maybe you don’t have what it takes right now, but with the right kind of help, you will.
#6: Don’t break yourself against what is
Don’t break yourself against your reality – change it. And doing that doesn’t mean you have to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Figure out some small steps you can take to take today to make a discernible difference in your situation, and start doing them.
#7: Heal your relationship with money and don’t poison yourself with it
I see now that I developed some very negative and unhealthy ideas about money. The worst was this idea: “I’ll always make a lot of money in my work, but I’ll feel like a prostitute doing it.” Meaning, I began to feel in my corporate life that the only way to make a lot of money was to sell my soul, hate what I did and the people I did it with, and compromise who I really was – to sell myself for the almighty dollar.
These negative beliefs will control how you relate to, and attract (or repel) money, unless you address your relationship with money and heal your money story.
Look back on your childhood and ask yourself “What did I learn from my family and childhood about how to view and relate to money?” Was it with power or weakness, secrecy or openness, shame or pride, courage or fear, love or hatred, resentment or happy expectation? Who controlled the money and who gave up control? When you write out your money story from the beginning of time until now, you’ll see patterns that are alive today that are keeping you from embracing money as a positive energy form in your life.
#8 Don’t waste one second of time on “should”
All of the “shoulds” of my life, and caving to the “shoulds” (others’ expectations and demands on how you should live and behave) just can’t lead to a happy life.
As someone so wisely said, “Stop shoulding all over yourself.” Stop responding to what you feel is obligation, and start doing what you truly want to do, the way you want to do it. Then deal powerfully with the results and outcomes of that.
#9 Let go of the pain, anger and resentment
Life is full of incredibly hard bumps that can leave us broken and bloodied.
But life can also be so very stunningly beautiful, shining and radiant that you’re brought to your knees with amazing gratitude and humility at the sheer beauty and wonder of it.
I’ve learned that it’s a choice – to be either consumed with the terrible pain and anger, or to find a way to heal and release it.
To stay stuck, drowning in the poison of hate and devastated dreams, or to find it in your heart to forgive, see your part in it, let go, and move on to keep building a meaningful and rewarding life.
I’ve learned that holding onto the pain and anger misses the whole point of living. We didn’t come here, to this planet at this time, to spend our entire life here in a state of rage and disillusionment. We came here to learn, grow and thrive.